happyhyperhigh.

i need to figure this out.
i mean, ugh!


it's not like i don't like feeling this way... i love it. i really do.
but something in me is searching after the logic in it all.

i don't know how to explain it.



it's something like lying on your back on the ground and there's so much sky above you that you can't breathe.

like being poured into until you're sure you'll burst, but you can't and you don't, you just sit there and enjoy your fullness.

like thinking in soap bubbles, so you can't touch them, but there's so many of them and they're so pretty and they're so weightless and yet they're so real.



it makes all the sense in the world and yet none whatsoever.
i don't know and yet i understand it completely.
i'm stuck yet i'm making progress, moving ahead.

i'm at this place where i'm happy.
and not like "WHEEEEEEEEE, LOOKEE AT ME, I'M HAPPEEEEEEE" kind of happy.
not all the time, at least.
it's just a kind of coasting at contentment.


AND NONE OF THIS EVEN EXPLAINS HOW I REALLY FEEL!

[ deep breath ]


and in all of this, it's like he's so perfect.
the way he is is the way i wanted someone to be.
goofy, smart, big ass kid, crazy, random, sweetheart, freaky, loving, honest, sensitive, caring, hilarious
i could probably sit here and list on and on.
what else could i ever want?
what else could i ever need?
and i'm falling for him so hard that i'm not even scared anymore.
because even if we don't last, i'll still know that i loved him.
and that's forrealdoe.

damn, tana.

you a prophet or sump'in?




pAce.