scared.

hmmm.
so here's how it went.

last night, i went to bed around 11:45... right after i blogged, i went to take a shower and called kevin. no answer. called him again. nothing. texted him and left it alone. and i realized that i was seriously upset. like... i knew that he was asleep, but i was just mad and upset. so i tried calling Canzone to vent, but his ass ain't pick up the phone so i yelled at him via text message (not expecting an answer) and he came back with how he was sick and i was just MAD so i yelled at him again and he was like "well fuck you then". [ sighs ] i eventually apologized because Canzone didn't deserve for me to yell at him and told him i hoped he felt better. and so i laid in bed and tried to figure out exactly why i was upset. and i came to the realiztion that i wasn't mad at Kevin... i was mad at myself(?). i was mad because i had rearranged my night to talk to him. i was mad because i LITERALLY COULD NOT SLEEP because i wasn't on the phone with him. i laid in bed from 11:45 to about 1:30 am just NOT SLEEPING. and i actually cried because i felt so fucking pathetic. who can't sleep because a guy's not on the phone? how ridiculous is that? so i texted Drey but he was on a date, so i didn't wanna bug him. i texted Wanda that i couldn't sleep and she was like, "well, come over to Beau!" and i didn't want to because i was in my pajamas and i didn't wanna go out into the cold, so about half and hour later, her and Kara came over and watched TV with me for a while. then Ali came back and Allie came into our room itching about Sarah C, whch was HILARIOUS and it ended up being the five of us talking for like an hour. who knew?


but yeah.
it's really scary that someone has that much power over me, over whether i can fall asleep at night or not. and i want to tell him that, but... i don't know how it'll be received. i guess i just want him to know why i was mad. i don't think i'd admit to him that i cried. how the fuck do i sound? like some fatal attraction shit. c'est horrible. i don't know. i'm just really scared of how emotionally attached i am to him. what the fuck.



going to get ready for brunch now.
deuces.



pAce.