scream.

i don't have very good outlets for my anger and frustration. i think i've become so used to keeping it all inside that by now, i do it unconsciously. but it hurts a lot, y'know? to have this frustration and then lack a way to get rid of it all without hurting someone or myself. it's a horrid, choking feeling, and i'm trying to figure out ways to get all of this processed, but i can't really think of it anymore. i can't write like i used to, so that doesn't work. crying is redundant and stupid by now. i can't scream, i can't get away, i can't tell someone all of this... it's a whole lot of brick walls between me and letting all this go.


AND I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY THAT YOU RUINED MY DAY.


hmmph.


[ edit ]

this is exactly why i don't wanna believe that i'm in love. because love means that you trust someone, whole-heartedly. you trust them with your heart. and i'm so fucking scared that he's not gonna be able to take care of it. i don't want to have to be constantly disappointed and frustrated and upset and hurt and all of these things over someone i "love" and end up looking like a pathetic ass-kisser. i make sacrifices for you, okay? i put shit on the line. more than my fucking heart, i lose sleep over you and when i ask you to stay up for me, i can't get a shit's worth of effort. i plan shit and ... i dont even know. i'm really hurting right now. this is more than you not coming because of SOME FUCKING RAIN. this is me feeling like i'm really not worth anything much to you. and maybe i'm not.