prepare.

bought my chain and my earrings. no batteries, though, i'm good on those. wasted $40 on a silver chain that i could've gotten for $25, traded it for 10k earrings and sold them for $10. yuck. also picked up some Cheez-Its for the ride and some hair-ties since most of mine are ruined. so all that's left is laying out my outfit for when i have to leave early tomorrow morning.

urg... i miss Kevin. NO MORE ABOUT THAT... until Wednesday night. btw, did i mention that we made it to six months as of the 11th? good Lord, how did we do that? as much as we argue about everything and get pissed off and everything. gawsh..

oh, my check from the gov't came in. three hunnit smackeroos, which is good because my cash supply was getting low and i don't get paid until the 17th.


ugh. i'm getting pissed off. shower and NyQuil, i'm calling him ONE time and then going about my fuckin' night.



peace.

[edit]

the question, of course, becomes "what do i do?" because there are a million reactions. i could spazz on him and get into another argument. i could ignore it and let it build up until i'm an emotional wreck again. or i could be a bit more Gerald-like and recede into a shell of apathy. yeah, i could just not GIVE A FUCK. go to the movies with a guy friend? why not if he's not there. let Khalid take me out to dinner? sure, it's not like i have a DATE that night or anything. actually entertain flirting with decent guys? maybe! ugh... it's like this horrid path i'm going down... where he comes around just enough to try to be loving, to try to do right... and then he goes through these long periods where he won't even make a half-assed effort. i asked him if he was gonna fall asleep again. his answer? "idk yet".... negro, i haven't been able to talk to you all fucking day and i get that you don't know? thanks alot. and when i told him that his statement wasn't exactly comforting, he goes "oh, i'll make it up to you on Wednesday", which is the night we'll SUPPOSEDLY go out. i don't know anymore... we made it to six months with me carrying so much of the emotional side of this relationship. i don't want to feel like whenever he FEELS like being a boyfriend, that's when i get him. i deserve to be a priority and not an option. i don't want to be worshipped, but i DO want to be respected and given back the same effort that i put out. so from now on? fuck it. if he doesn't text me, i'm not texting him. if he wants to call me, then he has my fuckin' number, my AIM s/n, my Y! s/n, my MySpace AND my Facebook. pick your poison. why should i be the one chasing up behind him? exactly. there's no reason for any of this. so go ahead and prove me wrong homeboy... because i'd hate to see you prove me right.