so here's something fun.
as aforementioned, i have a crush, yes? i mention this to my poet-friend, Lucy. first thing she says? "ask him out!" i vehemently tell her NO, i will not ask him out whatsoever. i shoot it down so fast, i don't even have time to think about it. i immediately freaked out and said NOOOO. why? because... well, no. i was having enough fun just LIKING him until i had friends who thought it was "cute" and started, in their own little way, nudging me towards taking this as more than a light crush. nothing against them, i'm not mad.... it's just a path that i don't really wanna go down. yes, i would love to be in another relationship.. kinda. more for the "security" and the "feeling of being with someone", but... i don't know. kevin notwithstanding, i am at odds with myself once again. i... like myself? i like where i'm headed with myself. i came back from thanksgiving break a little bit different. i'm supposed to take bellydance lessons with Leah and Erica (oh boy). my parents wanna fast again when i get back. it's gonna be cool. but... idk about how i feel with myself in terms of a new relationship? who knows.
uhmm... idk... Mikey being back is... complicated? he took me back to us talking before... i really felt type fucked up for what i did... can't say i was any type of right. i don't know... i feel like we're not on the same type of terms anymore. we were emailing for a while and now we've moved up to texting, buuuuuttt... it's not the same? we're not having conversations. i don't know.
i've just come to the conclusion that males are more trouble than they're worth a lot. i'm about to be like my twin, Freddy. remold myself into a player and just have fun until i find someone worth more of my time? haha, why not? let's do the damn thing, huh? Freddy cracks me up, btw. he told me that all you gotta do is be brutally, scathingly honest while still being charming and retaining your womanhood. delicate balance, but it's completely possible. let's say... by about junior year, i wanna have it all done? goal setting and shit. bwahahaha.
peace & much love to ya.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
nobueno.
naia said knock you ooouuutt @
3:10 AM
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