welcometoheartbreak.

the last few days? oh boy.

http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/5773/bryanbq7.jpg

that's brian. he's my baby, i love that boy to death. he's three years old and i took that picture the day i left NYC to come back to STL. my father called me up talkin' about how he fell off the couch and hit his head on the table and the doctors didn't think he was gonna make it. i cried for hurs, you have no idea how much he means to me. nah, he's not my son, he's not even related to me, but... man, all the time i spent with him. i was planning on babysitting him over the summer, i watch him during church... he's like the perfect little kid. and then this happened. they removed something like 30% of his brain last night because of swelling and they're saying it looks better for his chances of survival, but STILL... it's like... damn. i don't know how i'd deal with it if he actually passed on. pray for him, y'all.

besides that... i don't know. Cheeks and Adam have become two of my closer friends. so them, me, and Gerald are unofficially a hangout group. Adam calls us "ignorance is bliss", lmao. but yeah, Adam's pretty cool and Cheeks has been col, we just never hung out like we been now.

i need to clean my room.

blah blah blah, so much is not important.

oh! the Grand Slam was on Friday that just passed. i had qualified for it back before spring break, then didn't write anything all break, then scrambled to both write and memorize for the slam. the first round, i fell WAYY behind everyone. Gerald was out front (as always, his poetry is always on point), and I was something like 7th. Mind you, only six poets were gonna make it to the third round. right then and there, i had started accepting that i wouldn't make it.. i was like, forget it, i'll just be happy to compete. second round changed everything. i went like... 6th or seventh, i think. and i rapped, which is always fun. I had written a rap about Harlem and I swear, I loved this rap up and down, I didn't care what anyone thought, because it was about my home. plus, no one else is from Harlem, so i wanted to rep, lol. turns out everyone loved it. my scores went up for the secnd round and i was tied for third all of a sudden. the third round was really the breaking point, though. Gerald did this really deep poem about his brother, who I think might be autistic and does sign language. his whole poem was done in words and signs and he had it memorized. i cried, lol, i'm so freakin' emotional. i went up after him and i did this poem i had written for my mother, about the way i remembered her and then my dealing with her death. i got really emotional during it because i really started listening to myself and i started remembering and there's this part where i yell out "eli! eli! lama sabachthani! my God! my God! why has thou forsaken me?" and all i know is that when i got to that part, i was crying. my voice broke once or twice and, apparently, i had most of the audience crying, too. that round i got four perfect 10s and one 9.7, which shovd me way up ahead. long story short, i won second place, which is pretty beast. aaron was first and gerald got third and i think chris and celso tied for fourth. crazy stuff. i guess i'm going to nationals in Philly in March, though.


peace & much love to ya.