medley.

today was... weird. started out ehhh, turned into great, came back down to ehhh level.

tuesdays and thursdays are my jam-packed days, so i was in classes from 8:30 am to 4:00 pm. tomorrow is low-impact, though; start at 10:00 am, end at 12:00 pm. sweet. [ high-fives my imaginary friend ]. but anyway, classes are cool albeit long-winded. i have a paper to write by thursday for (re)writing history class... it's not too bad. french quiz on thursday, too, just have to remember my spelling and all those cursed silent letters. went to dinner with dionne and genita. ran into gerald, elizabeth, and chike at bear's den and we ate with them. the most hilarious conversations ever... well, actually, just about every conversation i have here (and especially at bear's den) is hilarious. but those two, gerald and chike, are something else. came back and now i'm supposed to be studying french or starting my paper, but i'm procrastinating.





i hate caring.
i hate loving people.
not even being in love with them, but having a general care, concern, and love for people.
people don't care when you love them.
it's not like it's anything important.
i care for them, but it's not like it means anything.
i've been called sweet, caring, a great friend.
what does it get me?
hurt. just about every time.
and yeah, i have the capacity to take this hurt.
does that mean i want to?
does that mean i deserve to?
i don't have the willpower to NOT love people.
it's just not in me.
so i continue to do this, to play this game.
i give people my heart... not romantically, just in general.
i give them OF me.
and it's never what they want.
it's never what they care about.
IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.
...i'm never enough.
i might not ever BE enough.


[ sighs ]
great. now i'm depressed.



i think drey said it in one of his blogs.... at the end of the day, i'm still alone.
and then what?
that's the million dollar question isn't it?





pAce.