barbienation.

we all live in a rhythm barbie nation.

i'm not even gonna get into my thoughts on the 1998 documentary "Barbie Nation" that i had to watch for class. that's a whole other blog and, honestly, i don't feel like getting into it.

yesterday marked my godbrother's six month anniversary with his girl. he absolutely adores her, almost worships the ground she walks on. there are pictures of them together all in albums on his FB page with them on the beach, really pretty b&w photos of them hugged up. and, to mark their anniversary, he wrote this long, pretty poem about how she's everything he's ever wanted.

let me reiterate that they've only been together for six months.

so this poem is gorgeous... not exactly Hallmark-heartwarming in a sense, but you can tell that he meant every word. he was saying things like how she is his dream, his heart, his piano, his desert rain, his queen. i just looked at it and smiled. David Charles is like that - when he loves he REALLY loves.


and, of course, that brought me into thoughts of my own present relationship. do i want someone who worships me? hell no. do i want someone who hangs on my every word and wants to be around me ALL the time? not at all. my ex was like that - real doting type, wrote me poems all the time and wanted to come see me all the time and wanted to go to church with me and come to functions and everything. he was around all the time. he lasted three months. i mean, you also have to factor in that he was a pathological liar, but still... anyway, the point is that i've had a taste of that kind of relationship and i honestly don't want that. a nice little quote from Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God explains this...

"He's kissin' yo' foot and 'taint in uh man tuh kiss foot long. Mouf kissin' is on uh equal and dat's natural but when dey got to bow down tuh love, dey soon straightens up."

pretty much, it means ass-kissing is a front for something deeper and more devious and even if it isn't, it's bound to end shortly.

but back to my original musings over my present relationship.

PAUSE - anyone who reads this blog is probably sick of my ranting about it, but i can't help it, actually. i'm a person who loves to think ideally. i believe in inherent goodness and things working out in the end and all that sugary stuff we're taught as children and forced to forget as adults because it's not "reality". but in my little ideal world, not TOO much would change about me and Kevin, honestly. i like what we have. i would tweak a few things... but for the most part keep it the same, just so no one goes wondering "well, if she can't stand this negro and what he does so much, she should just stop seeing him". nah. - END PAUSE

but David Charles's poem just got me to thinking. Kevin and i have been together for..... eight months? it'll be nine on october 11th. but eight months. now, i don't believe in "celebrating" monthly anniversaries... that's just too much. but still... at six months i just got a text like "wow, six crazy wonderful months"... scarce, albeit cute. but it was like... well, damn. that's it? but i kept it moving. now my thoughts are moving up our one year anniversary, which would land on january 11th. why is this making me nervous? i don't even know... maybe because i've never been with someone for a year. hmm. if you wanna put my complaint into a neat little capsule, it'd probably just be time. i like attention. A LOT. and talking to him everyday was amazing attention. now, it's likw, i might hear his voice two, three times a week (which is a lot, actually) and hold a real conversation with him maybe once every one or two weeks. lame. lol, he's reminding me of my father. i BEG my father for personal time. literally beg. but he's always too busy. i call my dad, my dad says "i'll call you back" and never does. sound familiar? lol, i just find it really funny that the two men in my life act the same way when it comes to communication half the time. if that ain't comedy...

LOL, and yet, i still wanna make plans to see him over Thanksgiving...


all in all, what David Charles wrote was really pretty and it touched me and it made me think over everything. i might call him later and see what his take on everything is.

i had more to say, but it's along the lines of things you really wanna write, but can't. not overpersonal stuff or whatever, i just.... i don't know. i get tired of typing/writing out everything that bothers me sometimes.



peace.