switch.

so, between the fact that my lifestyle has been slowly but surely changing since October and the fact that i feel like i need to "grow up", i've been considering my "life changes". i'm already in the process of slowly transitioning my wardrobe to be a little bit more dressy -- leather boots, flats, heels, blouses, trousers, dark jeans, etc. my dad and my godbrother complimented me on my nails. i've been SOMEWHAT better on my hair, even though it's a little bit of a hot mess right now. i've even been making moves. ORIGIN8TY9INE is supposed to be in serious works by February, around the same time i'm applying for a big research fellowship. it's working out really well. i'm happy.

sorta.

lol, you know when everything seems to be going right except for maybe... oh, two or three things? that's where i'm at right now. life is going great -- i really can't complain too much. it's just that as i feel my personal life finally thriving the way i've wanted it to, it seems like my social life or my relationship with other people is starting to rapidly change. one of the people who i thought i was really close to? all of a sudden, i just don't feel like being bothered with her. i've tried pinning down what it is that makes me not want to really talk to her or hang out with her anymore, but... idk. she's such a writer. not that it's a bad thing, but it comes off so strong to me that sometimes it just irks me. that's not to say that she isn't a good friend, 'cause she is... just... i think i needed some time away from her. who knows? and then... oh boy. so since Mikey's been back in my life, he's been texting me off and on, every once in a while taking the time out to try and guilt trip me. i can't deal with that. LaRon came back outta NOWHERE again. i told him that i didn't know why he was chasing behind me when he had fifty thousand chicks on his myspace, all clamoring for his attention. they all love them some LaRon, i can tell you that much. and he's on some, "but the difference is that i love you, not them". okay, whatever. This dude named Damion was tryna be cute, on some "Merry Christmas, honey". and Curtis has been... well, Curtis has been Curtis. he's tryna get me to come out to Elizabeth to see him. uhmm... homeboy, if you wanna see me so bad, i suggest that you come down to Harlem, because i refuse to spend my money on some dude for no reason. he's cool and all, but he's my age, which means mentally, he's probably seventeen, which i honestly can't deal with. i've never dated anyone my age or younger and i kinda don't plan on it. if God leads me different, then so be it, but i wouldn't wanna do it.

i've still been in a weird place as far as having a best friend goes. i always have Donavan, which makes me happy because i remembered what an amazing friend he is. i have Daniel, too, because despite being wildly different people, we're still very similar. and, of course, there's my dad, who will ALWAYS be my best friend. maybe i'm just being spoiled. there's Khalid, but he's gonna be a married man soon, and i don't know how i'd feel about going out to dinner alone with a married man. we wouldn't be doing anything except talking and catching up, but it's a little bit out of order. and there's Jaynina, my only female best friend. we still hang out a lot... she even treated me to dinner last week. good times.

well, when you change one part of your life, everything else starts moving, too, eh? i just hope i don't become one of those women so obsessed with her career and "making it" that she just blows off the idea of getting married until she's like.... 40. naaaah, i still want my family by about 25. but i'll tell you what -- i bet you i'm not settling for less than what i deserve anymore.

alright, i'mma go clean now.


peace & much love to ya.