holidaycheer.

christmas time, so i'm home again. once again -- no tree, no lights, no gift wrap, no eggnog, no tinsel, no plastic reindeer, no caroling. none of that. christmas has been real simple these last few years. the last time we had a big christmas was probably... 2001. the year before my mom died. she was in the hospital, but my dad helped me put up all the decorations and everything. this year? i sit around the house in my pajamas all day and watch cartoons, fashion shows, and cooking shows... IM and text... cook (today was a monumental failure -- don't decide to make breakfast sausage from scratch and then undersalt it... gross).... that's mostly it. i've been meaning to go to Brooklyn to NYCERS so cant get everything in order, but lacking bus/train fare keeps me home.

i thought to maybe visit my godbrother, Donavan... he lives close enough that I can walk to his house... well, it's not really "walking distance", but i will walk that far, so i don't mind. this damn cold is a problem, though. no place to go but inside and if "inside" isn't somebody's house, then it's someplace where you need to spend money... which i don't have. but, i haven't been to visit ANYONE as of yet. i don't feel as close to any of my friends as i used to... which is a big DUH since i'm in STL nine monets out of every year now, but... i don't know. i don't feel close to anyone anymore. i'll admit, i've kept a lot of people at arms-length. to me, there was no point in getting really close to people in college because i'd be leaving many of them behind in a few years... and people from home just never had schedules that aligned with mine, or we just didn't talk. plus, what was there to talk about? Jonnathan reconnected with me and the first thing he asked about was my love life... and there was nothing to talk about. and then the conversation quickly turned to him and HIS love life.

not that i have really big problems with being alone. i'd be fine with just going out each day to some part of the city, going to 86th street to hang out in the B&N or to wander around Best Buy, but it seems so pointless without cash for books or music or DVDs. i'm trying not to call this anhedonia - loss of interest in things that were once fun - but that's what it feels like. if some cash is left out tomorrow, i might go someplace, but staying in this house all day long is killing me, i can't take it, it's really only making things worse. the most fun i have is when i'm cooking. which reminds me, i should probably make that okra gumbo for Christmas.

got a few more designs done for ORIGIN8TY9INE, plus looked at some pricing for shirts. Jonn said we should start small with iron-on transfers, but i don't know if it would be worth it. first things first is legal stuff, and then i'll have to talk to daniel about that other stuff. btw, the original blog for O89, http://origin8ty9ine.blogspot.com is officially dead because i can't remember the password. blah.

i want the new HTC Touch Pro2... either that or the Motorola CLIQ, but the Touch Pro2 has a bigger keyboard. the CLIQ is an Android phone, though, and i've been looking to check that out. i might just walk to a T-Mobile store and ask to check them both out, maybe talk with a rep or something. $350 is a lot for that Touch Pro2, though. meh.


peace.